sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
