Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
