Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just found puke in my bra..
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
