He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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