just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
