the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
