okay pat passed out under dana's car
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize