please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
