i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
