There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
