oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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