What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
