Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
