Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
