Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize