I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
