I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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