im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize