Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
