just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
