its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
