Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just forgot I was standing up.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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