I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
