if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
