If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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