Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The air was thick with penises
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
