I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
