Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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