i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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