My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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