they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
