we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
