Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
