Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
