I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
