just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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