I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
