My brain says no but my pants say off.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Randomize
