its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
