I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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