I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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