Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
