hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
