And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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