We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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