Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
