I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize