the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
