can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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