I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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