I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
