well I can't set my house on fire every night
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
