worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
