Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
