You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
