There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Two words: blizzard sex
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
