We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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