I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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