It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
