i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
