I am in a vortex of obligation.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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