Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
