He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We had sex on a dog bed..
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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