This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
