Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
