that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
