im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
