you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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