I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Even my vagina gasped.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
