wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
