No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
