hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
