Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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