The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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