"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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