omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
