so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
A bitchslap is in order.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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