quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
