I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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