I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize